breathe me

I have changed so much in the past three weeks. I have a new sense of being. I have new desires, hopes, and dreams. For the first time in- I don't even remember how long- I was completely alone today and enjoyed it more than anything. I didn't have to talk to anyone. I didn't have to get dressed, put any makeup on, or drive my car to meet anyone.
I could never understand how anyone could just "need a day". I understand it now. It feels good. It feels really good. I have been in this zone today and I did a lot of deep thinking. I thought about the past, and how incredibly happy I am that it is all behind me now. I thought about wasted time and my wasted efforts. I have always lived with a "no regrets" type of philosophy, but looking back today I am kinda pissed off that my time was wasted. Wasted on a immature sack of shit that had nothing better to do with his life than ruin mine. I am over it though. I really am. I don't want to dwell on the past anymore, and over the past few weeks I have been able to do just that.
I am ridiculously happy with the present. I love my job. I can't stop talking about it. I am in a great place right now at work. I have amazing students, and my fervor for teaching is at an all time high. I'm working on my masters degree. This is where I have found my drive for more. I know that I can do it, and I want to keep pushing through.
I've been going to yoga. What an incredible feeling that is! I love having 90 minutes devoted out of my day to just myself and my well-being.
As far as my future, I am so excited about what's to come. I can't wait. I'm so excited to see how the rest of my life ends up. I haven't felt this happy with just being me in so long. So, if you were wondering about how I was doing lately, just know that I'm happy. So incredibly fucking happy. No, there's no new boy I'm dating.... It's just me. I've finally gotten here, and it's fucking perfect.

Back In God's hands

So yesterday, while browsing the new L.A.M.B. purses at Nordie's, Angie told me these Nelly Furtado lyrics reminded her of me. She said, "I don't know what I'd do if I just lost everything one day. Everytime I hear it, I think of you. It's sad."
I choked back the tears after she said that... i'm kinda speechless.
Anyway, here's the lyrics.

Dogs were whistling a new tune
Barking at the new moon
Hoping it would come soon so that they could die

Honestly what will become of me
I don't like reality
It's way too clear to me
But really life is daily
We are what we don't see
We missed everything daydreaming

Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end

Travelling I always stop at exits
Wondering if I'll stay
Young and restless
Living this way I stress less
I want to pull away when the dream dies
The pain sets it and I don't cry
I only feel gravity and I wonder why

And the sun was wondering if it should stay away for a day until the feeling went away
And the clouds were dropping and the...
The rain forgot how to bring salvation
The dogs were whistling a new tune barking at the new moon
Hoping it would come soon so that they could die

I'm speechless

This is quite possibly the WORST performance by Gwen I've ever seen. What the hell??

Reviews

Gwen Stefani's new cd came out this week. Here are my thoughts....

It's pretty good, and has some really good tracks on it. There are a couple of songs on the cd that I absolutely hate. Very hip-hop influenced, which can be expected if Pharrell and the Neptunes are producing. Although, I am a huge fan of the Neptunes and Pharrell, but it's very strange to hear Gwen rapping to cheesy hip hop hooks. They aren't fresh and original. However, I am loving the tracks produced by Tony Kanal (No Doubt). They are much more Gwen's style and are very reminiscent of No Doubt music. (Return of Saturn and Rock Steady) Bottom line - Gwen, honey, you need No Doubt!

I saw this movie today.
I was told that it would be better than Love Actually. The movie held up to my expectations, but it didn't have the same effect on me that Love Actually did. I thought Kate Winslet's character "Iris" was fantastic. I completely related with the character. Even though it's a movie, it feels good sometimes to know that there are other people in the world going through the same trials that you are going through. I am not a huge fan of Cameron Diaz, but I was kinda sorta able to put up with her in the movie. She plays her typical character, but she had a sensitive side to her that was appealing. If you like these sort of movies, I recommend it.

p.s. jude law is absolutely adorable in this flick.
A D O R A B L E !!!

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I usually have something of some worth stewing in my brain, just dying to be blogged. But today, I've got nothing! It frustrates me a little bit because my heart and mind have been quite heavy for the past couple of weeks. I really think it is the holidays. Everything just seems to affect me a little bit more than things usually do.
There are a lot of things that bother me about the holidays, but New Year's seems to take the cake. That is the WORST day of the year for me. All of my beautiful friends are on a mission to change that this year, and I am very willing to give them that chance. I'd love a change. It just seems like no matter what (if I'm in very much in love with someone or single at new year's) I still end up feeling alone and crying.
Everything coming to an end kinda freaks me out. I am not a person who welcome change with open arms, and the end of the year seems so final, so deadlineish. It's the time to reflect and think about what you've accomplished in the past 12 months. Sometimes, you accomplish a lot and learn a lot about people and others. Other times, you think about all the things that you wish you wanted to do, and never did.
2006 was an incredible year for me. I found out that being loved doesn't mean having a silly boyfriend. I've received more love from the incredible friends that I have than I could ever ask for. And to you, my remarkable friends, thank you.
I love you, too.

AMEN!

churchsign
Originally uploaded by xteenalydia.

cross posting

I'll be trying to post both here and on myspace from now on. We shall see how well that goes......

The FOUR survey, from Shayna and Amanda

Four jobs I've had in my life:
gap sales girl
cashier in a grocery store
medical biller
teacher

Four movies I can watch over and over:
say anything
napoleon dynamite
garden state
boondock saints

Four places I have lived:
san antonio, tx
reno, nv
tempe, az
chandler, az


Four TV shows I love to watch:
sex and the city
law and order: svu
csi
what not to wear

Four places I have been on vacation:
lake tahoe
hollywood
colorado springs
seattle

Four websites I visit daily:
myspace
friends' blogs
wells fargo
webmail.west.cox.net

Four of my favorite foods:
bean and cheese burrito enchilada style
coffee
fettucini alfredo
grilled chicken hummus from pita jungle


Four places I would rather be right now:
laying on a beach with a corona in my hand
cuddling in bed with someone
getting pampered at a salon
a good concert digging and dancing to awesome tunes

Four people I tag to do this survey:
yer mom